Nha Trang - Bad News

Today was exceptionally strange.

I woke up this morning to find I have misplaced my hat.



This is a huge shame. I like my hat. It has been many places with me. It keeps the sun off my head, and when it rains it shelters my spectacles so I can still see.



There's no time to mount the rescue operation before diving, which is great again. I play with a sea cucumber, see schools of rainbow fish, a few really big fish, some blue starfish, some bright yellow needle fish - lots of fish, really. That's kind of the point of diving.



In the afternoon I start hat hunting, retracing my steps from last night. I take a wrong turn and end up a fair way away, when I spot a huge sign saying "massage". The place seems pretty legit (not that I'm an expert on spotting dodgy massage parlours, oh dear me no) and I think a back rub could help console me, and also loosen me up for the riding tomorrow.



Everything starts off pleasantly enough, I'm shown to a sauna, steamroom and shower before being given some gym shorts and shown to my massage table. It's here when the first difference between Vietnamese and, say, Turkish massages becomes apparent as my massager is a woman. By the way, in much the same way as being massaged by a bloke is Totally Not Gay, being massaged by a girl is Totally Not Cheating.



The next surprise was the range of the massage. It seemed that my entire back was a target for pummeling - so far so expected - but the range extends a few inches lower than I was entirely prepared for. It would be unfair to label it a bum massage, but the top few inches of arse got more attention than they are entirely used to. Thank God for the whole thing being Totally Not Cheating.



About three quarters of the way in, I was asked a question. Not speaking Vietnamese I needed a little clarification. Now I don't know for certain, but I'm pretty sure from the associated gesture that I was asked if I'd like her to massage my willy. Of course I politely declined, but I'm very pleased she asked. Had she just jumped in there I may have assumed it was all part of the standard massage, and could have been too embarassed to make a scene. Dodged that bullet.

Continuting the hat hunt I retraced my steps to the local restaurant I'd eaten in the night before and, oh joy of joys, they had my hat waiting for me. I was so overcome with gratitude I hugged the waitress. The poor girl looked terrified.

As I was making my way to a smoothie bar to celebrate I got talking to a Thai guy on the street, who told me his sister was moving to England and wondered if I could talk to her. Being an easy going fellow I went back to his place, where he gave me a few tins of beer and introduced me to his family.

In particular he introduced me to his brother in law, who very early on stared talking about his job in a casino, and how he had a scam running to make money. Now thanks to being a fan of The Real Hustle I'm well aware the only person who can lose money here is me, but I'm genuinely curious to see where in the scam I would get stung. I am also very vaguely wondering if there is any way I could scam the scammers, but that's a bit advanced for me.

Before long the brother is showing me some card sharp skills, then asks if I'd like to play against, and help him scam, a 'friend' who is coming over. This has got far too real - I don't want to do this, but it's very hard to excuse myself, and as soon as I start voicing doubts the friend arrives, which I find suspicious. Eventually, just before the 'game' starts I ask to use the toilet, and once out of sight leave quickly.

I'm fairly sure the whole casino thing was always bollocks, and they were going to make money from me off the card game - this despite the brother giving me his money to play with, and saying he doesnt mind if I lose it. I am a little shaken so decide for tonight to screw finding Vietnamese cuising, just heading for the middle of the tourist distric and having food the in the most neon-lit restaurant I can find.

While eating there I meet Andreas, who I met in Mui Ne and who arived yesterday. This is a shocking coincidence - we have a drink and make vague plans to meet again in Hoi An, along with a new traveller Andreas has met.

Back at the hostel I relate my casino story to Tony, the Irish ex-pat owner, who tells me he's heard similar stories before which turned nasty. I'm a fool for staying past the point I knew it was no longer a social call, but feel glad it wasn't worse - I'm sure had things gone differently I would have been frogmarched to an ATM to empty my account.

I hope Lam turns up tomorrow with a motorbike.